The Gotham Mary Ann Sue FLOWER POWER Chronicles
by DesirevsNoodles
Summary: Diamond the Sue thinks she so good, but when two ASS assassins joined in, she had to think otherwise. OneShot! Poor Batman and Joker though... Reviews and opinions are always more than welcome. *Slight humour included*
1. A Joke's Nightmare

**The Gotham Mary Ann Sue Chronicles**

"_Introduce yourself." _

"_Vitaliya Jane Wood. I'm a former receptionist. I hate Sues and I'm responsible for my actions."_

"_Your reasons to be accepted in the Anti-Sue swat team?"_

"_I'm keen of killing the damsel in distress. I pity their lives driven by their respective authors and believe that I must put them out of their misery."_

"_Interesting...To prove your capability, we have a simple yet demanding task for you." The ASS Team's president handed Vitaliya a folder containing crucial documents, including the fanfiction._

_Vitaliya opened the folder and briefly flickered through it before reading the main page. "So you want me to assassinate this chick?"_

"_Yes, and it seems like a lazy task but it's more difficult than you think. Prove to me that you're capable, and you may be accepted."_

"_May?"_

"_There's someone else coming in after this interview. I'm afraid you have competition but your talent and skills will determine your position. Remember, no trace of our entrance to the fanfiction can be found, or the organisation will have to...well, let's just say 'hurt' you."_

_xxxxxxxxxxxxx_

"_Introduction please."_

"_Yo Imma Triple J – Jamie Jay Jermaine. Call me Jermaine. I can kill yo bitches you want and I can sneak and make them squeak." Triple J said with rapping rhythms and hand gestures._

"_That's nice Mr. Jermaine, so uh, why should I hire you?"_

"_Cuz I'm tha best you will ever get. I have my homies helpin' me out, and I believe teamwork is the key to success, yo."_

"_Good, I like that. But unfortunately I can't hire you on the spot because you have a competition for this vacancy. But you'll have to prove your worthiness by this task." Handed Triple J with the same folder she'd handed Vitaliya._

"_No trace can be left behind. All documents must be enclosed safely. Ensure you don't lose anything or we'll have to...treat you like a Sue."_

_Triple J opened to the first page._

"_Yo, you don't needah worry, cuz I'll make the lil' thing squeal in her mi-se-ry."_

"_Now, you will jump into the fanfiction itself, written by the author herself."_

Case 1: Perfect Sue

"Oh no! I'm like late!" Diamond said to no one in particular. Her driver, Benefitto could only shrug and shake his head at her responses.

"How long until we like arrive Benny?" she inquired.

"Probably now."

The limousine finally came to a stop at the foyer of Wayne manor. Diamond adjusted her 100% pure crystal earrings that her mother had bought her from London. Mary _hated_ the fact that she was expected to attend every social gathering in Gotham for the sake of her family name. Who knew being one of the riches was a hard thing?

When she exited the car, the newly arrived guests all starred at her arrival. They could sense her presence from the aura she brought.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Apart from the newly arrivals were of course, Vitaliya and Triple J – who had to park their vehicles way at the rear of all parking lots available outside of Wayne Manor just because of the very long limousine that had blocked the whole front parking lot. Vitaliya wondered how no one did anything to reprimand the driver. Then, it hit her, the plate number was – BrucexDiamond

How was the plate legal? Vitaliya had no idea. But what she had in mind now, was how to assassinate the Sue. This was Wayne Manor, and she couldn't possibly kill her from a straight shot. She had to keep it subtle and stealthy.

Sitting in the black car, she opened the document and read the fanfiction's front page.

_Title: Picture Perfect_

_Author: Joker'sgirloveraper_

_Summary: Bruce's childhood friend Diamond attended Harvey Dent's party and was kidnapped by the Joker. The Joker became so obsessed with her and wants her to rule by his side!111!111 One day Bruce confessed his feelings for her, making her choose between the Master of Laughs and the Dark Knight!11111111!111! Very epic story! No Mary Sues!1!111111111111111!_

Only reading the summary has already sickened her to the point where diarrhoea wasn't the worse. The positive side was that the summary had strengthened her enthusiasm to eliminate these pests.

She safely clipped the document back to the folder and shoved it into the car compartment. This would take a little time to take her down. She needed a consistent and reliable plan.

xxxxxx

As Diamond entered the occasion's huge hall, everyone stopped their actions – even possibly stopped breathing – with wide eyes eyeing her up and down. She wore a beautiful white dress with lots of diamonds that could blind instead of shine. Her lips were luscious red, with the right amount of make-up, suiting her features. The present of her curves matched her body – an hourglass – from head to toe. Diamond was standing out like a _picture perfect _doll.

She still couldn't contemplate why her presence was causing silence and attracting stares from the other guests, especially the guys – which were prized a great bitch slap from their girlfriends. Some would wink at her as she continued to pace into the hall, hoping to find Bruce Wayne.

Finally, after circling the hall with eyes glued dead on her, Bruce came out of nowhere and couldn't help but to notice her.

"Diamond! There you are. How've you been?" Bruce greeted warmly. Inside, he was struggling to kiss her, but he couldn't since it was 'public'.

"I'm so sorry that I was like late Bruce! There was like a traffic light like everywhere!"

"It's alright, as long as you make it to the party, I'm already happy. So how was England?"

"It was like too awesome and I was like followed by so many English men! I like missed you Bruce..." Diamond said.

Bruce couldn't stop grinning at the last sentence. It was so sweet. She MISSED him. And that was all needed to make his day.

xxxxxxxxxxx

In the parking lot, Triple J was working on his ultimate plan to approach the Mary Sue.

"Imma ambush the party with you boys behind me." Triple J said to his minions.

"So uh, you want us to hip hop dancin' in the Wayne Manor while you singin' the song?" Minion 1 inquired.

"Exactly ma homie. And that bitch is gonna love me for sure."

"Are you falling for that Sue boss?" minion 2 piped up.

"No doug. Way numba #1 - To kill a Mary Sue, is to make her love you. Now go get the stereo pumpin'!

"Right boss." Minion 3 answered.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Diamond sighed. She hadn't had the chance to talk to Bruce in the party since all of the girls were raising a conversation with him. And now he'd disappeared to somewhere else. A lot of handsome guys at the party had been asking her to drink with them, but she would turn them down.

Even Harvey Dent himself asked her if she wanted him to favour a drink, but stopped when Rachel gave him a death glare. Even though Harvey was a charming man, he wasn't her type. She wanted Bruce, and ONLY Bruce. Was she falling for him?

Frustrated, Diamond went to grab some drinks on her own, until suddenly, a thrashing sound was heard coming from the elevator. The door opened, with the Joker and his minions stepping out.

Everyone was dead silent when the Joker raised his gun and fired a bullet into the ceiling. The Joker then started to ask for Harvey's family members or loved ones. Rachel was too dead scared to do anything, so Diamond knew that she had to step in to stop the clown's threats fired at the innocent rich people.

"Like, stop it." Diamond BRAVELY ordered.

The Joker stopped his actions and turned toward the soothing voice that captured his attention.

"Hello hello beautiful." He walked closer to her. "You must be Harvey's squeeze. And you are beautiful."

"No, I'm like not Harvey's. I'm like single and waiting for you to like kidnap me already."

Joker eyed her up and down. She was _picture perfect_. He couldn't find any flaws about her physically or emotionally. She had guts, and he liked that.

Diamond was actually scared, but she had to do something. If Rachel was being a wuss, then she had to stand up for Harvey.

"How would you like to be the Jester's Queen?" The Joker leered.

"Just like kidnap me already like like like please!"

The Joker grinned, and quickly escaped Wayne Manor with his minions. Nobody did anything, because then Diamond wouldn't get kidnapped.

A few moments later, Bruce entered, his face frowning. He walked up to Harvey, "Where's Diamond?"

"The Joker got her!"

All of a sudden, the elevator opened once again, to reveal a man in bling bling with three other men following him.

"Yo wassup peeps! Imma sing this song for the wonderful Diamond Darlin'!"

"What is this?" a woman inquired from the back of the hall.

"This is yo entertainment!" Triple J turned on his mike while his minions started break dancing.

"Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur! The whole club is looking at her!" Triple J's voice shook the whole place, merely because he was tone deft, and it did stop him to realise that he came a little too late.

"Low low low low low low low low low...LOW."

No one did anything except to watch, until Harvey decided to put a foot down.

"STOP! She got kidnapped you doofus!"

Minions 1, 2 and 3 looked at Triple J, "Damn boys, we're late! Imma wear these bling bling blings for no-no-nothing!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In the Joker's hideout

"AH! OMG! Joker is like kidnapping me!" Diamond yelled, while strapped in a chair.

"You're so beautiful, I just can't help it, you know." The Joker cackled.

"Help! Like Joker like wants to rape me! Like RAPE ME! Like RAPE ME PLEASE!"

In the shadows, Vitaliya was hiding. She bore her Sniper Rifle in her hands, getting ready to give the little creature a perfect headshot picture.

"You're going down, Sue!"

She was about to pull the trigger when Batman suddenly came from the back and gave her a big fat bitch slap. He picked her up by the shirt.

"Who are you working for?" Batman demanded harshly, making both Joker and Diamond noticed that they were not alone.

"OMG Diamond's stripping!"

"WHERE?" Both guys swiftly turned around to look at Diamond – who was already freed from the chair thanks to her awesomeness – allowing Vitaliya to hastily roll over to Diamond and withdrew her sleek Magnum.

"Like what is that?" Diamond shrieked melodiously.

"It's a Magnum."

"You mean like the ice cream?"

"Shoot her and I'll shoot you." The Joker warned with a gun in his hand, pointed to Vitaliya.

"Shoot the girl and I'll shoot you." Batman threatened the Joker.

"Can I like shoot like someone like too?" Diamond cut in.

Batman shifted his gun to Vitaliya, then back to Joker. Then Joker shifted his gun to batman, then back to Vitaliya.

"Yo! Imma shoot all of youse unless youse hand me the girl!"

All four turned to the voice to only see Triple J with his bling blings and two guns in each of his hands.

"Who the hell are you?" Vitaliya said.

"Imma kill blondie over there. Yo wanna help meh?"

"No way! She's mine!"

"Are you lesbian?" Batman asked randomly. The Joker laughed hysterically at the question.

"Are you gay?" Vitaliya shot back.

"No."

"Y'all know, I think gay peeps are cool motherfishers." Triple J commented.

"You know, you're right." The Joker agreed.

"I wonder why some people still think otherwise though." Vitaliya said.

"STOP STOP!111!1 This fanfiction is about ME! ME ME ME! STOP BLOODDY LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE IGNORING ME!" Diamond angrily screamed.

"Shut up! I'm gonna put you out of your misery!" Vitaliya reloaded her gun for emphasis.

"Don't even think about it." The Joker warned.

"Yo ma competition? Damn, I just figured that out. Imma kill the bitch, bitch!"

GODDAMMIT! You guys know what? I'm killing the damn thing!

I stepped into the fanfiction with my bazooka and aimed at the Mary Ann Sue.

BOOM!

I shot the Mary Sue dead. There straight to the point. She's DEAD. DEAD DEAD DEAD! Thank god.

"How did you get in?" Vitaliya inquired.

"Yo that ain't fair! How Imma get the effin job!"

"You just shot my beautiful Queen!"

"Diamond, noooOOOO!OOOO!O!O!" Batman cried.

Her body exploded into a million trillion zillion of tiny bunny flowery pretty particles into the air. And to sum up the ending, I took a _picture perfect_ of her bloody belongings.

THE END.

**A/N: Look, the point of this story is to show you, while there are lots of unavoidable Sues born everyday out there, the authors sometimes do nothing about it.**

**The translation of this parody: two agents(Vitaliya and Triple J) who despise Mary Sues, try their best to shoot down the Mary Sue and leave no trace in the fanfiction world. But as you all can see, they failed at last. And who saved the day? The Author herself. Canons can be OOC as well in Sue fics because of the Sue herself e.g. Batman and Joker at the end.**

**It's because sometimes, kind reviewers that try not to leave a negative mark on the story will tend to not get to the point. But flamers won't do good too. So it's up to the author to take the Sue down, and hopefully the author will as did the one in this parody. I deleted my _Never Interfere With the Master of Fear _fic because I think I need to check up with my OCs again even though no one had pointed out any Sues. Just in case, you know. When I'm sure, then I'll put it back up.**

**I hope this story has finally showed you how annoying Mary Sues are in the same time, how hard it is to write a review without hurting the author him/herself. If you guys want a sequel to another type of Mary Sue, tell me. Because I think Emo Sue should be portrayed next though no agents will be involved. Thanks for reading xx**

**Peace out!**


	2. Extended Ending Version

**A/N: This was the initial ending which I cut off alot of bits from the Joker's Hideout since I thought it was too long. But I'll just put it up anyways for pure enjoyment. Hope you guys like it! Full opinion on OCs and Mary Sues at the end.**

In the Joker's hideout

"AH! OMG! Joker is like kidnapping me!" Diamond yelled, while strapped in a chair.

"You're so beautiful, I just can't help it, you know." The Joker cackled.

"Help! Like Joker like wants to rape me! Like RAPE ME! Like RAPE ME PLEASE!"

"So you _want _me to rape you?"

"Umm...if the author like says so."

In the shadows, Vitaliya was hiding. She bore her Sniper Rifle in her hands, getting ready to give the little creature a perfect headshot picture.

"You're going down, Sue..."

She was about to pull the trigger when Batman suddenly came from the back and gave her a big fat bitch slap. He picked her up by the shirt.

"Who are you working for?" Batman demanded harshly, making both Joker and Diamond noticed that they were not alone.

"OMG Diamond's stripping!" Vitaliya shouted toward Diamond.

"WHERE?" Both guys swiftly turned around to look at Diamond – who was already freed from the chair thanks to her awesomeness – allowing Vitaliya to hastily roll over to Diamond and withdrew her sleek Magnum.

"Like what is that?" Diamond shrieked.

"It's a Magnum."

"You mean like the ice cream?"

"No, it's a lifesaver."

"No, that's a gun!" Diamond exclaimed.

"Shoot her and I'll shoot you." The Joker warned with a gun in his hand, pointed to Vitaliya.

"Shoot the girl and I'll shoot you." Batman threatened the Joker.

"Can I like shoot like someone like too?" Diamond cut in.

"No." Everyone except Diamond declared in unity.

Batman shifted his gun to Vitaliya, then back to Joker. Then Joker shifted his gun to batman, then back to Vitaliya. Then Vitaliya shifted her gun to the Joker, while Batman shifted his gun to himself because he was already too OOC.

"Yo! Imma shoot all of youse unless youse hand me the girl!"

All four turned to the voice to only see Triple J with his bling blings and two guns in each of his hands.

"Who the hell are you?" Vitaliya said.

"Imma kill blondie over there. Yo wanna help meh?"

"No way! She's mine!"

"Are you lesbian?" Batman asked randomly. The Joker laughed hysterically at the question.

"Are you gay?" Vitaliya shot back.

"No."

"Y'all know, I think gay peeps are cool motherfishers." Triple J commented.

"You know, you're right." The Joker agreed.

"I wonder why some people still think otherwise though." Vitaliya said.

"I had a brother once a y'all know, he was gay. But he was a cool motherfisher. He like those powder sherbets so when his friends ate Cocaine, they lied to my bro. He got convicted at the end, yo. Poor homie."

"I hear you brother." The Joker agreed.

"I think he was just dumb because he didn't take precaution. Nothing to do with being gay." Vitaliya opposed.

"I love sherbets." Batman butted in.

...

"STOP STOP!111!1 This fanfiction is about ME! ME ME ME! STOP BLOODDY LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE IGNORING ME!" Diamond angrily screamed.

"Shut up! I'm gonna put you out of your misery!" Vitaliya reloaded her gun for emphasis.

"Don't even think about it." The Joker warned.

"Yo ma competition? Damn, I just figured that out. Imma kill the bitch, BITCH!"

Pre-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-tt-t-t-t-t-t-t

"Yo, what tha fish is that?"

"Eww it stinks!" Vitaliya waved her hand in front of her nose.

"It must be Scarecrow's fear toxin." Joker guessed.

"No, it's someone's fart you moron!" Vitaliya looked at each of them to seek for any embarrassed faces.

"Well, that's just my superpower!" Everyone turned to Diamond. "I fart for attention. How do you think people notice me? I can switch from stink bomb to flower power."

"So that makes yo an air freshener and po-llu-tion, bitch?"

"She's a pollution to the fanfiction. Nice. Thanks for clogging my nostrils you little skunk!" Vitaliya scolded.

"Fart fart fart." Diamond started singing melodiously.

Preeeiieieieieiee-t-t-t-t-t

"STOP IT!" Joker demanded.

"Oops sorry, that was me." Batman apologised.

"Can tha smell exit yo suit?"

"Only if there's any holes in it."

Vitaliya frowned, "hopefully there's none."

Diamond cut in, "I, ME, DIAMOND, can also summon dead fishes."

"Oh god no." For a second there Vitaliya thought she should just point the magnum at herself.

"We don't wanna know, yo."

"FISH POWER!"

Suddenly, a huge wave of dead smelly stinky revolting fishes came into the limited space. And they all danced in the sticky stinky disgusting slimy pile of fishies...

GODDAMMIT! You guys know what? I'm killing the damn thing!

I stepped into the fanfiction with my bazooka and aimed at the Mary Ann Sue.

BOOM!

I shot the Mary Sue dead. There straight to the point. She's DEAD. DEAD DEAD DEAD! Thank god.

"How did you get in?" Vitaliya inquired.

This is my fanfiction so I can do whatever I want! I'm sick of the endless nonsense.

"Yo that ain't fair! How Imma get the effin job!"

"You just shot my beautiful Queen!"

"Diamond, noooOOOO!OOOO!O!O!" Batman cried.

Her body exploded into a million trillion zillion of tiny bunny flowery pretty particles into the air. And to sum up the ending, I took a _picture perfect_ of her bloody belongings. The story had already turned out to be RUBBISH! Thanks to my simply sweet innocent, nice, rich, wish-fulfiller, like like Mary Sue.

THE END.

**A/N: I also forgot to mentioned: I agree with my reviewer, _You're Just A Freak_ that OCs and Mary Sues can be two different things. Personally, I think OC is just an original character who _can_ fall into the Mary Sue categorisation.**

**In my opinion, OCs don't have 10 fantasies to be fulfilled, instead they actually have a normal, possible life that can be actually true. They should have a balance good luck bad luck pattern in the stories. Well, that's what I personally believe. It's not wrong to have an OC. I have one, and even though her parents died, she sucked it up (even though it does scarr) instead of crying 365 over it. And she hates little kids, which Mary Sues should get along with very well.**

**But that's just my opinion. Mary Sues usually has perfect lives or miserable lives. It depends on how you bring them. Yes, some of you may think, "then what if the plot demands such things?" Well, I thought likewise too, but now I think, you should alter the plot or give way to some other characters to carry the plot in. Since this _is_ a fanfiction, your OC should merely support the main idea of the story instead of being the EPIC centre of it. I think Sues are much worse than grammar/punctuation error, don't you?**

**You can, however, have a Mary Sue in your story for people to _hate_. Because that would be fun. At least that's what I did. Or maybe two OCs, ones a pain Sue and one's a normal girl. I think that's alright, as long as you hate the Sue too. Vitaliya and Triple J are funny agents, an example of OCs.**

**Stories like _The Secrets of Scary People_ and _Plausibility_ are examples of successful OCs that I've read so far. And some few other more but I couldn't remember the title. If you'd like me to have a look on your story I'd be glad too, and don't worry I won't flame. I'd just give my opinion via review. Though don't worry, everyone tends to make mistakes so we learn from them. I used to write Sues, but now I stopped because I learned from it. So, don't panic!**

**Thank you for loving this parody most of all! Your reviews and opinions/thoughts on the parody or on Mary Sues are much loved and welcome.**


End file.
